Dissolving the Guilt
by AnakinCaffrey
Summary: After a very hard, depressing mission, our two heroes return to face themselves with their guilt and feelings. ONE-SHOT dedicated to and requested by Ahsoka320.


**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

My Master has been really stressed out lately. Our missions have exhausted him to the point where he can _barely _function. He still tries to stay strong for me because he knows I look up to him, but how can I look up to that which appears to hold no life?

I glanced over at his bed and sighed. He'd been bruised pretty badly from our last mission. I got stuck and he had to pull me out, injuring himself in the process. I'd fallen into a ditch, breaking my leg. He had to frantically search for me while large blasts made their way closer to me.

I rubbed my knee. The bacta had patched it up very nicely, but the pain was still there. I replayed the image of him diving into the ditch, claiming that he'd been searching for me for almost an hour. It hadn't felt like I had been stuck in there for an hour, but I believed him. The way he picked me up had showed me how desperate and afraid he'd been.

His tattered clothes had blood seeping from them. He carried me bridal style, leaping out of the ditch. As soon as we'd resurfaced, a large blast echoed. He threw me into the air and pushed me further away from him as the area he'd been standing in went up in a dusty, smoke filled cloud.

The throw hurt me more, but, when I'd looked back at him, he was motionless.

I managed to drag him away from the battlefield and keep him alive until a medical frigate found us.

He told me several times in the last few days that he was extremely grateful to me and that he truly appreciated having me with him at all times.

He rolled over, moaning a little. I was brought back to reality as he began to sit up. He glanced over at me and jumped slightly. "How long have you been watching me?"

I tore my eyes away from him and turned over, facing the wall. "Snips? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Master," I whispered. "I'm still kind of tired. I'm going back to sleep."

I heard the springs on his mattress groan as he moved and he began to groan as well. I turned over to face him. He hadn't even lifted himself from the bed completely and he was already displaying signs of intense pain. "Are _you _okay?"

"Slept wrong," he sighed.

He pushed himself up with shaking arms and I quickly sat up. I knew he was going to collapse and I'd told him to take it easy several hundred times in the last day alone. As soon as he stood, I leapt from my bed.

He fell forward and I caught him. I accidentally rested my hand on the worst bruise on his chest. He hissed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Master."

He shook his head. "It's not your fault. You're just trying to help."

He opened his eyes and I stared at him sadly. "If I hadn't fallen into that ditch –"

"Don't you dare start this again, Ahsoka," he said lowly, his voice sounding menacing. "I've already told you that there was nothing you could do to prevent any of this. No matter how many times you blame yourself for this, it will _never _be your fault."

I still didn't believe him. I had stupidly and blindly chased General Grievous across Jabiim. Master had warned me to stay close to him at all times because he didn't want to lose me. I'd disobeyed his direct order and I'd gone after Grievous on my own. I disobeyed him and he was letting me off easy.

He draped his right arm over my shoulders and I gripped his mechanical hand tightly, staring up at his face. He wasn't much taller than me, but he seemed to get a bit taller every time I looked up at him. His expression softened and he smiled weakly. "What do you say we get something to eat?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Aren't you?"

I shook my head. The sick feeling of guilt dissolved my appetite. I helped him walk into the mess hall and I could feel his slight embarrassment. It wasn't that he was embarrassed by me. It was that he was embarrassed by his weakness. He knew he could rely on me, but that didn't mean he wanted to. He was one of the most powerful Jedi in the Order and he had to rely on his Padawan to get through the day.

I would be embarrassed to rely on me, too...

His mechanical fingers tightened around my flesh ones. "I want you to talk to me, okay? I know that you're not feeling all that great since the mission, but I've done my best to reassure you that you're not the one at fault."

I kept my mouth shut because I wanted to scream at him so badly. I wanted to tell him that it was _all _my fault. Everything had been my fault. Bane's escape almost a month ago had killed my spirit. If I hadn't been taken hostage, Master Skywalker wouldn't have had to risk the mission to save my life.

I led him to our table in the corner of the room and helped him sit down. He groaned and closed his eyes as I slowly unwound his arm from my shoulders. His hand rested on my left hip for a moment as he opened his eyes. "Don't blame yourself, okay?"

"What do you want for breakfast?"

"Your happiness," he muttered, turning away from me. "Just get something for yourself."

"I'm not hungry. What do _you _want?"

"Sit down, Ahsoka."

I hesitated, but he reached out and pulled the chair closer to me, ramming it into the back of my knees. He motioned for me to take a seat and I did. He turned his entire body with a bit of difficulty. "Now, I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen _well._ Do you understand me?"

I nodded slowly and stared into his eyes. "What happened on Jabiim was my fault entirely. I should have kept my eyes on you. I just want to know one thing though. Were you trying to impress me by going after Grievous? Did you think that that would gain my respect?"

I bit my lip, lowered my head, and nodded slowly. I had been trying to impress him back there. No one has been able to take down Grievous since the beginning of the war. If I was able to defeat him, Master Skywalker would be proud of me. I wanted him to be proud of me.

He gently took my hand in his flesh one. "Look at me."

I lifted my head slowly to look at him. He gave me his serious look. "You don't have to _try _to impress me. Every time I fight beside you, whether it be out there or in the training room, I'm impressed. You're only sixteen and you fight like a professional. You're skilled beyond your age level. I've enjoyed having you at my side for the past year and I don't regret any moment of it."

"But –"

"Listen to _me. _I respect you and I'm _very _proud of you. You're my Padawan and one of the only people I've allowed myself to become close to. I trust you with my life." He laughed lightly. "I trust you with the lives of our squadron. That's how much I trust you, Ahsoka. You don't have to prove yourself to me at all. I don't care if you're the one to take General Grievous down or if you're the one to end the Clone Wars."

He paused to gently lift my chin. What he was saying was really touching and meant a lot to me, but it was really hard to look at him and see all the scrapes and bruises I'd caused. "Jabiim was a learning experience. You've earned my respect by following orders _most _of the time and by leading our men to countless victories. You have no idea how much of an impact you are to the men. They look up to you as they look up to me. You're a role model, Ahsoka."

"I disobeyed you on Jabiim. You told me to stay with you and I –"

"You believed that it would be much easier to go after Grievous. You wanted to take him down yourself and I understand that. You're just like me. I've wanted to destroy Grievous since the beginning of the war. It wasn't the first time you disobeyed me, Ahsoka. You know how upset I am when you do that, but I'm always glad that you don't come out completely... _scathed. _You survive one way or another, whether I'm the one to pull you out of a situation or not."

I felt my heart breaking ever so slowly. I crossed my arms and lowered myself to the table. I buried my face into the center and closed my eyes. I could almost picture his sad look at he stared at me. His hand rested on my back, just below the tip of my rear lek. His thumb rubbed a circle around the area slowly.

"I'll never stop being proud of you, Ahsoka," he whispered.

We sat in the mess hall for an hour and a half. Eventually, I went to get us some food, but we didn't really eat very much of anything.

We sat in uncomfortable silence for a few more hours. He tried to get me to talk to him, but I just wouldn't allow myself to open up to him. He would be upset with me for harboring so much guilt after all that he'd said to attempt boosting my self esteem.

We went back to our dorm and just _relaxed. _I sat at his desk, reading over some articles on his Holopad. He had a few videos that were kind of funny, but they weren't meant for _me._ Most of the articles and holograms related to some sort of sexual joke.

It didn't bother me at all, instead it gave me some insight as to what he liked to read or watch in his spare time. Now that I'd read a few articles, I understood why he could lay on his bed and read for several hours on end. I always wondered why he'd smile after flipping pages.

He rolled over on his bed to face me. "What article are you reading?"

I slowly flipped away from _his _section of articles and found some of the mainstream news. "It appears as though Chancellor Palpatine is holding a Senatorial meeting tonight to discuss whether or not our army is going to be resupplied with clones."

"Anything good?"

"Not yet. The meeting is in an hour. Do you want to go?"

He shrugged. "It's up to you. I'd rather stay here."

"I don't mind staying here."

A few more hours past by and we still hadn't done or said anything that would bring us closer to forgetting Jabiim.

He'd been resting in the same position on his bed for half an hour, so I assumed he'd fallen asleep. I got up from his desk chair and stretched, moaning as I did so. I walked over to my bed and began to get myself ready for bed.

I took my leggings and skirt off, leaving me in my tube top, undergarments, and boots. I had a feeling that he wouldn't wake up for quite some time, so I went back over to his chair and pulled my knees up to my chest. I grabbed his Holopad again and began to flip through some more of his articles. I found a video and played it.

Two famous comedians appeared on the screen and began their show. This was one of Master Skywalker's favorites, according to its ranking amongst the other videos.

After twenty minutes of watching it, I understood why he'd like it. The men weren't funny in the aspect that required laughter. Sure, the occasional laugh did come from it, but it was just a bunch of very dry and sarcastic humor. Of course, being that Master Skywalker was about six years my senior, some things in this video were very mature.

I heard his throat clear from his bed. I jumped and tossed the Holopad onto the floor. I glanced over at his bed and bit my lip. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "So you're watching my _private_ holos?"

He pulled his blanket back and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stretched his arms out beside him and yawned a bit. "Master, I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I guess I knew you'd get curious someday. We're always together, so I had a feeling that you'd start snooping around my things eventually."

"I didn't mean –"

"I know. I don't care if you read or watch them. Just... don't tell anyone else that I'm allowing you to. If you like it, that's one thing. If you're just going to use it against me, I'm going to put a passcode on it."

"You tried that before," I teased.

"Touché."

I smiled and he laughed. "You're so funny."

He came over to me and I realized that he had taken his shirt off a bit ago. "Which – _ah._ This one is my favorite."

"Do you want to watch it with me?" I asked as he bent down to pick up the pad. He handed it to me and smiled.

"There's only enough room on the chair for one, so it's either you watch it or I watch it."

I teased him and patted my lap. I watched his left eyebrow rise slightly before he smirked. He turned a bit and sat on my lap, resulting in my uncontrollable laughter. He wasn't as heavy as I thought he'd be. I wrapped my left arm around his waist and smiled up at him as I continued to laugh.

I held the Holopad in my right hand and watched him smile occasionally after every few jokes. "What did that mean?"

"_That _is a subject left for another conversation, my _young _apprentice."

I rolled my eyes and he smiled. We sat in silence for twenty minutes. He took the Holopad and turned it off. "I need to talk to you."

I watched him toss the the device across the room in the direction of his bed. He looked down at me as I stared up into his blue eyes. "What's been going on, Ahsoka?"

"I could ask you the same."

"Oh?"

"I'm trying to distance myself from you and you don't want me out of your sight."

He gave me a pained look. "Why are you trying to get away from me?"

"Every time I look at you, I see my failures. If I hadn't gone after Grievous, I wouldn't have fallen into the ditch, and you wouldn't have been shelled! You wouldn't be crippled right now if I had listened to you!"

My voice broke at the end and he lifted himself from my lap. He stared at me angrily. "Haven't I already told you that this_ isn't_ your fault? _I _came to your rescue. _I _risked myself, knowing that I probably wouldn't make it out of there. I wanted _you _to survive! I care about you too much to just leave you, Ahsoka. I wanted to save you. I'm not crippled either. I've only got a few bruises and scratches."

"That's not fair, Master."

"How isn't it? You're my Padawan and my friend. I couldn't just leave you down there while we evacuated."

"I could have made it out!"

"Yeah, in a week's time!" he shouted, balling his hands into fists. I stared at the scars running across his arms and chest as he continued to shout at me. "Your leg was _broken!_ You couldn't have made it out if you'd tried! I could sense your distress and I came to your aid. Aren't you _grateful_ that you survived?"

"No," I whispered.

I looked away from him for a minute, but his silence made me look at him again. "Master?"

"I _love _you," he whispered, closing his eyes.

I was taken aback. "_What?_"

"I love you, Ahsoka," he said, repeating his words with the same sadness. His blue orbs opened and he stared into mine. "I couldn't leave you behind. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you."

He knelt down in front of me. His right knee was still bent, but the other one rested against the floor. He rested his head on my bare legs and wrapped his arms around me, holding onto me tightly. His mechanical hand was on my upper back and his left was on my lower back.

I leaned over him protectively and stared down at his hair sadly. I felt his sadness and his hurt slowly seeping out of him. "I can't help but imagine what I _could _have found down there instead of you half alive. It could have been much worse and your face haunts my dreams at night because I'm so afraid of losing you..."

I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. I rubbed his bare skin with the tips of my boots. "Master, you of all people know that attachment is forbidden. You've only reprimanded me at least three times in the past because of it."

"The way I feel about you is so_ intense,_" he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed my bare stomach. I felt really exposed at the moment, but I wasn't sure if that was one of my main concerns at this point. "I can't deny these feelings any longer."

"Master..."

"I know it's forbidden, but I want you to know that my care for you goes beyond our Master and Padawan relationship. If I lose you, I lose everything. I've already lost so much and you mean the most to me."

He continued to lightly kiss my stomach, sending chills up my spine. As wrong as this was, I couldn't leave him hanging. He sounded so honest and desperate. His grip on me tightened and I felt his fear.

He pulled back slowly and stared up at me. His hands rested on my thighs. "I can understand if you don't want me, Ahsoka. You're a better Jedi than I am."

I jumped from the chair and threw myself at him. I circled my arms around his neck, holding onto him for dear life. I felt his surprise and I knew that this is what I wanted. I've wanted him since the first time he'd saved me.

My rear lek was slammed to the floor as he crawled on top of me. He stradled my legs and began to kiss me gently. His thumbs gently rubbed my cheeks. I opened my eyes for a brief moment to see him enjoying this. His eyes were closed and his lips moved in passionate motions.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to fall further into the kiss. I tried my best to keep up with him and enjoy myself at the same time. Once he pulled away for breath, I began to pant heavily. He gently began to trail kisses along the left side of my neck. "Master," I whispered.

"My name's Anakin," he replied quickly before continuing to kiss me.

"Anakin..."

"Yes?"

"Make love to me."

He paused in his kisses. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes."

"We're rushing this."

"I love you," I whispered.

That was enough to make up his mind. He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He plopped me down onto the bed and crawled on top of me once again. He began to kiss me passionately and rub my lekku in a very passionate manner as well.

Luckily for him, I wasn't wearing much to begin with, so his job was fairly simple. I, on the other hand, had a lot of trouble. My hands shook uncontrollably as I undid his pants and tore his boots off.

I was glad he was so patient with me and he kept asking me if I wanted to stop. He could feel my anxiety as well as my excitement, but he was making sure I was all right with this.

The two of us made love and it was one of the best feelings of my life. Scratch that. It was _the _best feeling of my life. He held onto me like I was the most important thing in his life, which he actually whispered against my montrals after a few minutes.

He held me in his arms and I kissed his bare chest. "Have I ever told you that I'm lucky to have met you?" he whispered, smiling down at me.

I smiled up at him and rubbed his abs. "You may have mentioned it once or twice. Have I ever told you that you're a wonderful man?"

"I don't believe you have."

"You are the most wonderful man I've ever met in my life, Mas –" He gave me a short glare. "Anakin."

He chuckled and kissed my headdress. "And you're the most wonderful girl I've met in my life. Everything about you is perfect."

"So no more Jabiim?" I whispered, staring into his eyes.

"None on my part."

"And none from me."

He smiled and held me tighter. "Then we've both moved past the depression of Jabiim. We can be happy together now."

I moved my right hand up to his neck and rubbed his skin with my thumb. I closed my eyes and smiled. Never in my life had I imagined myself falling in love with my Master, nor had I imagined him reciprocating those feelings.

"Love is beautiful," he whispered. "Just like you."


End file.
